You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
