Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
