In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
