we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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