Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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