so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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