...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
