Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
did you just send me my own nude
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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