The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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