she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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