I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
