Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
