He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
