I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
