One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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