I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
