Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
