She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
