So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize