Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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