3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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