he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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