so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
