hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
