im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
