mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
