I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
