i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
