May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize