JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
