In the future we'll all be gay
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Randomize
