I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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