We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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