i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
