Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
