I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize