This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
