Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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