i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
