her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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