Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he was CRYING into my vagina
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
