allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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