I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
