the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
