party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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