Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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