Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
