sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
