Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
