Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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