he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
