What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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