I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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