He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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