I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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