Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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