Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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