this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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