Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
