This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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