the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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