I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
