just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
