My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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