You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
