I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize