You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
